Few pitfalls in modern relationships are more confusing than being ghosted – but new research suggests those who are ghosted may suffer the most.
Ghosting, the act of disappearing on a partner without warning, is a large-scale epidemic. A recent survey found that 75% of people have been ghosted by a former lover.
For the victim, ghosting often results in confusion, distress, and a sort of emotional purgatory, as the ignored person wonders if the relationship is over, if they did something to deserve their exile, or if something catastrophic happened to the person who suddenly went out of contact.
In Psychology Today, Dr. Jennice Vilhauer writes that ghosting inhibits our ability to process.
“Ghosting doesn’t give you any guidance on how to react,” Vilhauer said. “This creates the ultimate ambiguity scenario. Should you be worried? What if they’re injured and lying in a hospital bed somewhere? Should you be upset? Maybe they’re just a little busy and will call you at any moment. You don’t know how to react because you don’t really know what happened.”
However, researchers have recently discovered that people who commit this cruel act of disappearing are often plagued by guilt, shame and remorse.
To understand who actually haunts ghost images, a joint research team from Cambridge and the University of California explored the phenomenon through three studies spanning real-life experiences, imagined situations and live digital interactions.
“We find that people who are ghosted underestimate how bad their interlocutors feel about ghosting them,” the study authors wrote in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
“Overall, this research provides a window into the overlooked pain related to the ghosting of others,” they added.
In all three studies, researchers found that the ghoster often assumes that the person who cut off contact did so because they didn’t care or had left someone else.
However, in many cases, the “ghosts” reported feeling genuinely conflicted and remorseful about their behavior.
“People who ghost others may experience guilt and even depressive symptoms consistent with the idea that hurting others can harm oneself,” the study authors wrote.
This was especially true when the ghosting was accidental and triggered by distraction, delayed response time, or abject forgetfulness.
Additionally, researchers found that minimal messaging, something as simple as “sorry, I can’t talk,” went a long way toward reducing misunderstandings and easing hard feelings.
“In an age where romantic, social, and professional communication increasingly occurs online and ghosting is the simplest form of rejection, it is important to understand when and why people ghost and their feelings about it,” they concluded.
The researchers hope their findings will help people adopt simple intervention strategies, better understand what people are saying about responses, and navigate everyday communication with more efficiency and empathy.
Gn Health
